How much communication is really going on these days? When people are listening to you, do you have their attention, or are they also on some other type of electronic device “communicating” with someone else? How much do people try and talk as communication anymore? Is this separation of communicating due to the modern age of electronics?

How much communication do you see going on these days? I mean, besides, texting or facebooking, instagramming, tweeting, etc? How often do you really see people on the phone talking anymore? When you do, it’s either, their significant other, their parents or their children on the other end! I know my children can have 4000 text messages on their phone, and 7 minutes of talk time, which are all to my and my husband. Everyone says, Oh  I know, kids and texting. It’s not just kids! Some of the worst I’ve seen are middle aged adults, so age is no excuse! When is the last time you called someone to tell them Happy Birthday, or Happy, Merry Whatever Holiday it is? When I grew up, you called everyone on those occasions. Even 10 years ago, you still made phone calls for these occasions. Not anymore. Now, everyone texts or facebooks or whatever other social media that is popular at the time to get their messages across. I’m not saying it’s bad, I’m not saying I’m not guilty, I’m just stating it for what it is! Hell, it’s getting hard enough just to get people on the phone anymore period. We all know people that you can call 100 times, and they are never available to answer. Yet, when you text them, they can text you for up to an hour. There’s no coincidence here, the texting has made communication easier, for those that like to avoid it!!

How much communication goes on in your home? Do you talk to your kids about everything every chance you get? Or do you have a conversation with your kids once and assume you’ve covered it, you’re good? Or, are there some conversations you believe you just do not have, ever, and therefore, have never discussed them? Well, in my house we discuss everything, as often as I see it necessary, or the kids/husband want to discuss it. There is no topic that is off limits, and nothing we are embarrassed to tell them. Instead of sitting around the house all day everyday on individual electronic devices, we play games with our kids. Games are a great time to just talk to your kids about everything, especially when you play Life! I don’t understand how parents can say they don’t know how to talk to their kids about life or sex!

What is so hard, wrong or embarrassing about these things? Do you not remember how you felt as a teen? I know my kids WILL have sex at some point, one I’m hoping to hold off on for as long as possible, but I don’t expect them to wait until marriage or anything! I DO expect them to be both SMART and SAFE about it, because that’s what we have taught them! Every time an opportunity arises for us to have a discussion with either one of our children on sex, we take it. Not just about sex either, with any subject we know our kids need to understand about for their safety and guidance to a healthy future.

My kids know they can come to us at any time and we will do our best to always be there for them. This is important for kids as they grow older. They may put themselves into a situation where they are regretting and want to be removed, yet their only way out is their parent. I want my kids to know, and they do, that we are those parent’s. We will not judge them, for everyone makes mistakes. We will not punish them for making foolish choices. We praise them for knowing that the situation they were in was inappropriate and removing themselves is being a responsible person. This is how we raise our children. They need to know that if they want to be responsible, they have to behave responsibly! We achieve this through communicating everything we expect from them. I’m sure too many times, if you ask them! 😉 haha –

Let’s not forget, parents, if our children are NOT learning from us, they are learning from other sources, such as other kids, the  internet, etc…….these are all UNRELIABLE sources in which I for one, do NOT want my kids learning fake facts from. Instead of complaining about kids being on their electronics all day, try finding things to do with them where electronics either can’t be used, or don’t work. Or you can always say, as we often do, put your electronics in a pile and spend time without them, ensuring your family has focused communication. NED – NO ELECTRONIC DEVICES!!! :))

Why is it when we first start in relationships we will sit and talk for hours getting to know everything we can about the person we are infatuated with, yet when we have been together for a while the talking tends to stop.  Is this because you already know everything about the person? Have you have already heard everything that that other person has to say so you’ve decided to stop communicating? Are you too busy in your everyday life to stop and communicate your thoughts, opinions and love to your family?  Do you spend hours and hours on your electronic device facebooking, browsing or playing games? My husband and I have a rule about this. He only plays video games when I’m either not here, or am sleeping!

Lol, because I can not stand them! I only get on facebook when he is not around, or he is busy with something else. This way, our valuable time together, is spent exactly that way – together! Not only do my husband and I communicate and talk about everything with our kids, we talk about everything and communicate with each other.  In fact, we take so much time alone, talking, it tends to annoy our kids!! Haha

Yet, I know married couples who tell me they have nothing to talk about. How can you have nothing to talk about?  You talk about your kids, you talk about your day, you talk about your life, your love, your beliefs……these all change as we grow older. Talking about them consistently not only keeps your bond strong, it keeps you communicating!

I know a couple who has been married 17 years and the husband has been sleeping on the couch for almost a year and a half. She tells me they have grown apart. People do not just grow apart. You allow yourselves to grow apart, just as you allowed yourselves to fall in love. Instead of texting your friends all day and night, or playing Candy Crush on your phone every time you find a free minute,  why don’t you try texting your spouse with love notes, or simply letting them know you’re thinking about them throughout the day.   If you are talking, sharing, fighting, COMMUNICATING with your significant other, you do not grow apart. Do you and your spouse take a vacation or weekend or NIGHT alone once or twice a year to keep the romance alive between you? My husband and I do this every chance we get. It is VERY hard when the kids are babies. My best friend can testify to the fact that I cried the entire first time I left my daughter and went for a couple’s weekend. Yet, I went and had a wonderful time! I also learned this was a necessity to both mine and my husband’s sanity and longevity of marriage. If you can’t afford a vacation, take a weekend, if that’s too difficult, a night every few months works just as well!

Before you say you can’t afford time away with your spouse either, stop and think about how easy  you can change that. I know people who spend tons of money on video games, new electronics, etc – next time you want to do that, why don’t you stop and save that money for a special trip away with your spouse. If you both contribute, you’ll have the money in no time! =)

Time alone, is necessary to keep your feelings alive, your closeness secure, and your love ignited.  This time alone, should be electronic free, so you have time to focus on your significant other ONLY, not the rest of the digital world as well. Couples who spend no sacred time alone, will eventually fall out of love. They will eventually start sharing their innermost feelings with another. Maybe with their same sex best friend, maybe with the opposite sex, either way, it never ends well!  Is this separation due to the electronic age? Absolutely not, it’s do to allowing yourself to separate from your spouse through ignoring them and paying too much attention to yourself or others.You can allow yourself to drift apart by keeping anger, frustration or hurt feelings to yourself and never expressing them to your spouse. You can grow apart because you or they refuse to say “I’m sorry,” and so neither of you ever says anything, creating animosity between you. You can drift apart by talking to other people about any and every issue in your life instead if telling these meaningless issues to your spouse.  Your significant other IS the person you should be turning to for everything. They absolutely SHOULD be your best friend, not only when you marry them, but ALWAYS!!! If you treat them as a best friend, telling them anything about everything, sharing every moment you can with them, and going out alone with only them, that friendship can and will remain and keep you happy your entire marriage! Here’s to many more happy years!

~Her Reality Check!~