Earlier this week, I read about how California colleges have passed a law called “yes means yes”, and how Governor Jerry Brown signed it into act Sunday. The question now stands, “How will this change the rape culture in America?”

 

I for one, think it is about time we have done something to take the blame of rape away from the women who are made victims by this abusive crime, and placed it into the men who have committed the act instead. For years, we have lived with the rape slogan “no means no!” This was supposed to be an excellent slogan, as it means that if a woman say’s no to sex, then NO is what she means, and no sex should be forced upon her. Yet, we have come to find, especially with the help of social media and senseless teenagers, this is not what’s happening. Instead, we have come to find that UNLESS a girl says no, many boys and men believe that saying NOTHING means yes. Even if the girl in question is so drunk she can’t talk, or even remain awake for that matter. If she did not say no, then males have taken upon themselves to take advantage of the intoxicated female. Many of them, getting the girl so intoxicated on purpose, that they know she will be unable to refuse.

As a woman, I once myself was a teenage girl. I also more than ONCE was drunk and was tried to be taken advantage of my males around me. One time, when I was only 13 or 14 an older teenage male (that I THOUGHT was a friend of mine) got myself and a few girlfriends so intentionally drunk we all passed out at one point or another. If I hadn’t woken up puking, I would have woken up raped. My ‘friend’ was laying on top of me with my pants unzipped when I started puking all over him. A few minutes later, after vomiting all over the backyard, I got the hell out of there.I took this as my ONE lesson, and NEVER allowed myself to be put in this position again!!

A few years later, when I was 17 or 18, I went  to a neighboring schools party. At one point, I had to go to the bathroom and was told to stay outside and go to the one in the pool house.  Upon entering the pool house, I had the disgust of walking in on a soon to be gang bang on a very drunk girl. She was in the bathroom hanging over the toilet with one arm and her head resting on that arm, half in and out of consciousness. Her shorts were unzipped and pulled down a bit and she was only wearing a bra on top, her shirt crumbled up next to her on the floor. Outside of the bathroom were 5-7 boys giggling and looking guilty. Although I didn’t know her, I put her shirt back on and with the help of the girlfriend’s I went with, carried her out. On the way out we heard comments such as “where ya going?”, “aww man!”  and such, to which I responded with “Move the fuck out of the way!” It was terrible!!!! Turns out, she went to the same school as we did, and was just in a younger grade. We got her to some friends that looked after her safely for the rest of the night! We ended up friends after that……and it still repulses me over 20 years later!! In both of the situations I just described, yes or no were not able to be said. However, this in NO WAY justifies that what the boys in the situations did were okay. In fact, they were criminal. I only wish I would have said something to an adult at the time. As do many of the other girls I know that were in either similar situations, or worse, ended up being raped as a result of their similar experience. As a teen, I heard these kind of stories from other  girlfriends all the time.

These unjustifiable situations inflicted upon helpless girls and women by predatory males has got to be stopped. It’s way past time men were taught that girls are not play toys to be gotten drunk so they can get laid with no arguing. It’s time men learned a woman can wear whatever she chooses and she is not asking for anything. It’s time men learned to take the blame for their behaviors and stopped putting it on their victims……period.

It’s time all males learn, that unless a female SAYS yes, it means NO!!! I hope to see this law spread to all the other states in the county………..the sooner the better!!

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